Mory Caraway struggled to know how best to raise his son Evan. A single father, he only saw his son every other weekend and on some holidays. Caraway, living in Utah and at the time a customer service representative for Delta, decided the most important thing Evan should get from their limited time together was a sense of his own worth and a knowledge that he was loved.
Caraway attended Evan's swim meets and cheered him on, regardless of whether he finished first or 20th.
Single parents like Caraway can struggle to determine which parenting approach is best for them and their children. Philosophies vary, ranging from the accomplishment-oriented approach embraced by Tiger Moms like author Aimee Chua to the French parenting style advocated by Pam Druckerman, who promotes self-control and delay of gratification at early ages. Also, a growing number of parents have raised concerns about the American approach of focusing too much on building the child's self-esteem, and shielding them from failure or risks.
One researcher argues that none of these approaches are necessarily right or wrong; rather, they are subjective depending on which society they belong to.
"Other cultures' methods of instilling self-control do actually work," said Sandra Aamodt, former editor in chief of Nature Neuroscience and co-author of the book "Welcome to Your Child's Brain: How the Mind Grows From Conception to College." "Those different approaches to training produce different types of adults. You want to raise your kids to be good members of the society they live in."
Although studies vary as to the role low self-esteem plays in a child's development, the correlation with eating disorders, depression, drug addiction and feelings of low self-worth is evidence of the potential damages of low self-esteem.
However, some experts disagree in which causes the other: Do accomplishments create high self-esteem, or does high self-esteem enable a child to accomplish more?
Aamodt argues the former and says American parents need to teach their children self-control as a means of enabling them to accomplish their goals.
"People who achieve things get self-esteem as a benefit," Aamodt said.
